I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
