4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
