The maid of honor just puked.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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