Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
