Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I intend to get homeless drunk
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
