My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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