Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
