then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
