Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
It's shark week go big or go home
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
