I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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