life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
