In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
