He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
