I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
