oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
