Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
