i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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