That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
