The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
