I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
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and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
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And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.