I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling