i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.