Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
We should try that some time.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
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I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
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It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Did you pee in the oven last night??