found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him