I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
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i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
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I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party