I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
