So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
I'm going to Hell for sure
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
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I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
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This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.