we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
