Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
