Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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