No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
do herpes really smell.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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