I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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