Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
This is classic penis vs brain.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Randomize
