My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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