That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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