I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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