yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
