Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
