I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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