He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
