i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
