You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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