White coat. Heels.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
