And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
