..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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