Pants 0. Shit 1.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
