I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
