I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
