Umm I'm too high to move.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
The power of my boobs compel you
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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