Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize