i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
