It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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