I think i peed on brittanys purse
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
FUCK WHALES
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
