I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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