Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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