Umm I'm too high to move.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
