people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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