I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
