I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
