You're my little dorito
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
