Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
