I feel like I'm in dance class right now
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
