you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
