remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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