Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
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let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
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Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.