I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
