Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.