Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing