Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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