I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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