i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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