I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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