As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
