There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
