Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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