i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
