Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
