what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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