How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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