There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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