Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
