our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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