I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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