I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
