It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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