I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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