Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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