I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
