3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
