YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Do you still have your period?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
